When adults aren't always Adult
We all experience different ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. Sometimes, indeed hopefully most of the time those thoughts, feelings and behaviours are appropriate and proportionate to our external circumstances. But not always.
Transactional Analysis (or TA) provides a conceptual framework that can help make sense of those other times. Times when we react in ways which have at least as much to do with our internal schemas as the external situation or person we find ourselves faced with.
According to TA, when we act and react appropriately to present circumstances, we can be said to be in an Adult ego state (ego states are always denoted by a capital letter to distinguish them from family or other descriptors). If instead we think, feel and act in ways in which our caregivers or other authority figures did in the past we may be in a Parent ego state. If so we can either be Nurturing or Critical, again often depending on what style of parenting was modelled for us.
If our thoughts, feelings and behaviours are less influenced by how others from our past were and more by our own habits and responses from earlier times, we are in all probability experiencing a Child ego state. Again, that can vary, e.g. playful and carefree (Free Child) or watchful for and reactive to what is expected of us (Adapted Child).
We impact each other all the time through our communication and interaction with each other: which ego state I communicate from is likely to affect which you respond with. It can therefore be instructive to watch for these ego states when we interact with each other in the workplace.
First and foremost we need to build sufficient self-awareness to enable us to be mindful of our own ways of being, and ensure that as far as possible we communicate from our Adult ego state. That way others are more likely to remain in Adult and the interaction should be reasonably straightforward. However if for example if you communicate from Parent, don’t be surprised if you are met with a less than Adult response, with either two Parents vying for authority or a Parent/Child dynamic emerging.
Managers in particular can tip into Parent and are then disappointed when their team members don’t take responsibility. After all, children don’t tend to.
